So, there you go...

I found out today that one of Mark's great-nephews was killed in a car accident in Jacksonville, Florida and I actually had to think about my response. Why? Because they're part of the family who decided that I no longer existed after Mark died. In the end, decency won out and I did my usual, "My thoughts are with you" but I had to think about it. Not used to having to think about doing what's appropriate.

Gotta talk to the doctor about something for my anxiety because I found myself in a very stressful, loud, chaotic situation last night and really could have used some Ativan. I only wanted 0.5mg because I knew that would take the edge off but I had nothing. I still despise loud noises and they make me very upset.

Also speaking, or singing (which I refused to do), about last night... it's about me. I am the center of my world and my attention and if you don't like it, you're more than welcome to leave my world. Trust me when I tell you that I will not miss you.

If you want to touch me and I say no, you don't get to be all offended because it isn't about you. Remember that I'm no longer the kinder, gentler Carol who came out of Crisis Care and I'm starting to think that she was a mask I wore in order to cope and convince everyone that I was okay. My brick walls are back up and you'd best wait for an invitation before you do anything more than wave at me from across the room. There are a couple exceptions to that rule, Ms. and Mr. CV, and you both know it. (There are a few other exceptions and you'll figure out who you are as time goes on.) Most people are not exceptions to this rule. Deal with it; it isn't about you.

No bright spots today. At least not yet.

Just one thought: This coming up with something to write on a daily basis sucks. I may actually have to take a day or three off. I've also noticed I had a lot more page views when I was funny. Funny will still appear, just not all the time.