I've been thinking about friends a lot the past couple of weeks. I finally had my long-awaited monthly meltdown last night because I hadn't been talking to G and I hadn't been blogging or journaling and I was keeping way too much shit inside me which I know I shouldn't do and I haven't been getting my butt out of the house often enough (I really do need to get out of the house every single day but lately it's been difficult) so there you go.
I thank God for CV because I do not know what I would do without her. I also thank God for G (and the library) because he helps keep me on an even keel and he's himself. (Please note that I put CV ahead of G in this list even though he's the number one person in my life.) I am grateful for TA because she didn't bother and harass me for her tablecloth even though I made her wait a long time and I'm sure she wanted to bug me. I would have wanted to bug me. I'm grateful for BSB because I know that she's going to be there for me no matter what. I was glad to see M&E last night because she knows what it's like to be mentally ill and her heart was in the right place and I think she was partially what I needed. I wish I saw RDVC more often because she makes me feel good about myself because she is just so incredibly nice and has a way of making the people around her happy to be there. I just want to gather these people in a huge monstrous hug and hold them tight and never let go.
There's no judgment from any of these people and I appreciate that so much. What's more, there's an understanding that maybe I do need some help now and then and a major understanding that just because it doesn't look like my leg is broken doesn't mean I'm not sick. Life has been a struggle for me the past few months (but I'm really glad I made it past July without a suicide attempt since July is a hot spot for me) and every one of you has helped me more than you know. Thank you for your acceptance and for your kindness and for sticking around.
I thought about phrasing this post in such a way that nobody would be offended then I realized that I don't care right now if you're offended or not. There are people not on this list who I still adore but they haven't been helpful (HD, DR, and OBK spring to mind) because they haven't been in a position where they've had to be or could be. Then there are people who aren't on this list because you didn't help the situation. You probably don't realize who you are and that's fine because I do.
You know who really bothers me though? The people who are dealing with their own mental illness who don't seem to understand that I'm dealing with mine. You'd think they'd be capable of cutting a person some slack and they aren't or they don't. I'd like to thank all of them for their understanding and their assistance in their removal from my life.