Oh my...

I was certainly in a mood on Saturday.

Still don't regret a single word.

Thoughts on friends

I've been thinking about friends a lot the past couple of weeks. I finally had my long-awaited monthly meltdown last night because I hadn't been talking to G and I hadn't been blogging or journaling and I was keeping way too much shit inside me which I know I shouldn't do and I haven't been getting my butt out of the house often enough (I really do need to get out of the house every single day but lately it's been difficult) so there you go.

I thank God for CV because I do not know what I would do without her. I also thank God for G (and the library) because he helps keep me on an even keel and he's himself. (Please note that I put CV ahead of G in this list even though he's the number one person in my life.) I am grateful for TA because she didn't bother and harass me for her tablecloth even though I made her wait a long time and I'm sure she wanted to bug me. I would have wanted to bug me. I'm grateful for BSB because I know that she's going to be there for me no matter what. I was glad to see M&E last night because she knows what it's like to be mentally ill and her heart was in the right place and I think she was partially what I needed. I wish I saw RDVC more often because she makes me feel good about myself because she is just so incredibly nice and has a way of making the people around her happy to be there. I just want to gather these people in a huge monstrous hug and hold them tight and never let go.

There's no judgment from any of these people and I appreciate that so much. What's more, there's an understanding that maybe I do need some help now and then and a major understanding that just because it doesn't look like my leg is broken doesn't mean I'm not sick. Life has been a struggle for me the past few months (but I'm really glad I made it past July without a suicide attempt since July is a hot spot for me) and every one of you has helped me more than you know. Thank you for your acceptance and for your kindness and for sticking around.

I thought about phrasing this post in such a way that nobody would be offended then I realized that I don't care right now if you're offended or not. There are people not on this list who I still adore but they haven't been helpful (HD, DR, and OBK spring to mind) because they haven't been in a position where they've had to be or could be. Then there are people who aren't on this list because you didn't help the situation. You probably don't realize who you are and that's fine because I do.

You know who really bothers me though? The people who are dealing with their own mental illness who don't seem to understand that I'm dealing with mine. You'd think they'd be capable of cutting a person some slack and they aren't or they don't. I'd like to thank all of them for their understanding and their assistance in their removal from my life.

It's a good one this time

I'm in the Fairfax South County building using the facilities at Access Fairfax, minding my own business (as usual).

First I have to tell the woman next to me that I can hear the music coming out of her computer. Multiple times. She finally took the earbuds out and realized her mistake.

Then, the good one. The best one in several days. The man sitting next to me asks me what county we're in. My stupid-meter is set on very low and I asked him if he was serious, then looked at him like he was stupid and said, "Fairfax?"

Yeesh.

Shoot me now.

Had to share

Just so everyone knows why the jackass is now a jackass, here's a transcript of the voicemail he left me:

I can't believe this shit, that you could not pick up on me. It's bullshit, Carol. My name is [jackass]. You know who it is and, I think you're being very disingenuous, and I think it's really wrong of you. Call call me back and tell me that... um... it's not true. If you don't call me back and tell me that it's true, then I will absolutely disregard you. I'm sorry but that's the way I feel, okay? So anyway call me back, I hope you're doing well, and take care yourself. Alrighty then. Love you, mean it. Not. Bye.

 

Why in the world would I want someone in my life who spews this level of vileness at me when I choose (or not, perhaps I didn't hear it ring) not to answer my phone? Or maybe it's just that I don't do what he tells me to do or wants me to do.

 

Did I mention he's an alcoholic?

 

Yeah, reason #2 to not want this person in my life.

 

 

I found them!!!

I thought they had left me, but I was wrong. I'm still surrounded by whackadoodles!!

First, there was the bus driver who was convinced I didn't know what bus I was on and it was the wrong one in any case. No, really, I know my bus lines. I know that the 162 swings by the hospital AND the library and I got on it for a reason.

While on the bus, there was a woman who thought it was all about her. The bus driver points out to me that this is the library (no, really?), just as I'm reaching up to request the stop. Another person flips out that he's talking and she doesn't want to go to the library and why is he telling her that this is the library, because she wants to go to the hospital and this is the bus that goes to the hospital, right? Ummm, it isn't all about you. There are other people on the bus.

Then, when I left the library and went to get off at my next stop, there was the woman who decided she had to block the door otherwise the bus would run off without her and the people who were running to reach the bus. I said "excuse me" twice, she didn't budge and I knew I could win that game. So I stood there, blocking progress, until she moved and let me off the bus. That was fun.

G and I went into Old Towne on Wednesday, via the REX because it's a really easy ride. A woman who's been on the bus for a while leans over when we're at Huntington and asks someone if this is the bus to King Street. Well, gee, it only says that its destination is King Street Station on the front and why didn't you look before you got on, you twit? Then, on our way back, the same woman walks over and asks if this is the stop for the REX to Huntington. Not that she's going to Huntington, but, really, the bus from King Street only goes one way (south). We waited to see if she asked at Huntington if this was the bus to Fort Belvoir. Thank heavens that didn't happen.

And, of course, there are always the people at AccessFairfax who sit by the printer and look at you like you have a third eye in the middle of your forehead when you have the nerve to go over and pick up your printouts. It's there for all of us and we can share and we'd also appreciate it if you didn't flip your nasty hair and hit us with it. Twice. (And then there was the guy who freaked out because I had something in the middle of his stuff and what in the world was that. Yeesh. Again, it isn't all about you.)

But the best whackadoodles are the insidious ones. You know, the ones just stop speaking to you and make the massive mistake of leaving an unfinished project in your possession that you were working on for them. Now I get to wonder when or if she's going to grow balls enough to ask for it back. (Yes, it's been frogged because I'm not a saint.)

Just the same old whackadoodle

You gotta love it... I appear to have acquired a permanent whackadoodle in my life. Goodness knows every time I hear his name, I get brand new blog fodder.

First, he has a court date because he was arrested on a marijuana possession charge. Except it's the same day as the first day of the Allgood music festival, so he's decided to blow off the court date. The man is facing jail time but it's more important that he not miss his music festival so there you go. Is this where I mention that he's also refusing to spend money on an attorney? He's decided to go pro se. And that's all that needs to be said on that incident.

And then there's the next one, which also happens to be one of my pet peeves. If I ask you to do something, then I owe you for that. If you do something for me that I don't ask you to do for your own reasons, especially if it doesn't specifically benefit me, then I don't owe you squat. Guess what my whackadoodle does on a regular basis.

Seems JTMA (why, yes, JTA has received an upgrade) isn't fond of the person he's staying with at the moment so he tries to find other things to do that don't involve being at home. (The person isn't any happier with JTMA than JTMA is with him, but it's his house so it's his rules.) The other day, he decided he was 17 years old and went to G's place of work to hang with him. And, yes, we know that that's something teenagers do which is why G kind of chased him off since G is most definitely not a teenager and doesn't want to lose his job. Now, JTMA came there of his own free will to pick G up and possibly hang with him in order to avoid going home. First, G comes out with a chicken salad sandwich that was provided by the boss and JTMA wants a bite and whines when G points out how small the sandwich is about why he can't just have one bite. (This is also an old story where JTMA is concerned; whatever you have he always wants just one little bite.)

G needed to make a couple stops which he would have done on his own had JTMA not been there. The punchline here is that when G wanted to go home, JTMA pitched a fit, informed him that gas isn't free, and told him to go buy him a six-pack of Natural Light (yes, it's beer, and not one I'd ever heard of before meeting JTMA.) G demurs, JTMA insists, and G goes back into the store and buys him a six-pack. G then spends the next couple days going to meetings because the last thing he needed to do was buy beer. And, of course, when G told me what had happened, I was pissed. I was so pissed if JTMA had shown up at the front door, he'd have gotten ripped up one side, down the other, and through the middle because Ms. Protective would have shown up and informed JTMA just what a Massive Asshole he is. Really and truly off-pissing.

JTMA is a control freak who doesn't really think of anyone else, or should I say he appears to do something out of the kindness of his own heart but he's really holding a chip which he cashes in when he decided he wants something or he's mad at you or something. Oh, and did I mention he's an alcoholic which is the last thing G needs to have in his life right now, but I know how hard it is to cut ties even though you know you should. I knew that I needed to cut ties (with an exception or two) because of my depression but I didn't and now I'm paying the price. As someone I know once said, "You're depressed? Depression is a debilitating illness? But it doesn't look like your leg is broken." And, yes, he understood exactly how debilitating depression is. So G needs to make new friends who aren't alcoholics or druggies and I know exactly how difficult that is.

Hockey, forever and ever

When the score was 1-0 last night in the Capitals game against Winnipeg, I stated that it was over and the Capitals had won the Southeast Division. The next thing I heard was a snort at my early call of the game, only to have someone eat his snort later in the evening when the score was a 5-3 final. Someone should really learn to have more faith in me, shouldn't he?

And I have an annoyance with some of the professional hockey analysts. I saw a goal breakdown between Steven Stamkos and Alex Ovechkin, with Ovechkin being criticized for most of his goals coming against the Southeast Division, which is apparently filled with pansy teams. (Of course, they fight hard against the pansy designation, but they should all realize now that they're pansies and roll over and play dead. Besides, it isn't like the Southeast has ever produced one Stanley Cup winner, let alone two, right? Oops, forgot about Carolina and Tampa Bay.) Stamkos was praised for the majority of his goals coming against the remainder of the Eastern Conference while, once again, Ovechkin is a pansy goal-scorer.

My curiosity is this: Stamkos and Ovechkin are both in the Southeast Division. If the Southeast Division is such a cakewalk (yeah, try playing Carolina and Tampa six times a year), why doesn't Stamkos have even more goals than he does. After all, if Ovechkin scores 56% (or whatever his percentage is) of his goals against the Southeast, shouldn't Stamkos have a similar, if not higher percentage? Since scoring against the Southeast is such a piece of cake, after all, and Stamkos is far superior to Ovechkin, why is Ovechkin's percentage of Southeast goals higher than Stamkos? I love it how the analysts like to compare apples and oranges and actually occasionally make it sound reasonable to someone who isn't able to think for him or herself.

Okay, 'nuf said. I'm done whining now.